This is going to be a short post.
I recently found myself waking up with tears running down my face. In my dream, I remember sobbing about … something. Whatever it was, it seems that my mind decided I needed to release some strong, pent up emotions.
Sometimes this catharsis is gained by purposely watching a sad movie or listening to a sad song. In my case, my unconscious deemed it necessary for me to release these emotions on a schedule I was unaware about. It doesn’t happen often, but from time to time, I find that I cry in my sleep.
Perhaps I’m an oddball, or perhaps, I’m not the only one. All I know for sure is that releasing emotions that I’m holding onto, whether consciously or unconsciously, certainly helps me feel better. And that is always a good thing.
It’s been raining for the past few days.
This weather makes me want to be warm and cozy inside, maybe snuggled up with some tea and a good book. It also makes me want to bake. I find myself in the baking mood more during fall and winter than spring or summer. It must be the weather, since the cooler it is, the more time we want to spend inside with the things that bring us comfort. I find myself returning to certain recipes year after year. Those recipes include: sausage rolls, chocolate chip candy cane cookies, and cobbler.
With the change in the weather I decided to break out a baking dish and do just that – make cobbler. Now, usually I would make peach or maybe blackberry cobbler, but all I had on hand was a can of strawberry pie filling. So, I made a strawberry cobbler. It turned out pretty good.
I didn’t follow a recipe, I just put the pie filling in the bottom of the baking dish and mixed up some Bisquick biscuit dough (with sugar to make it a bit sweeter) and poured that right over the top. I baked it at about 375 degrees for 35-45 mins, until the crust had cooked through. It was just a small cobbler. Perfect for the two of us.
Since then, I’ve bought a few more cans of fruit filling and plan to get my bake on. There’s just something so inviting about the smells of baking. It makes me happy.
Fall is a time for beautiful foliage, cozy sweaters, and everyone getting sick. It’s back to school and more time spent indoors. Both of which leads to more opportunity for germs to flourish and spread.
I should know – I just got sick about two weeks ago. Apparently, I’m a bit of a go-getter and got a jump on being sick this year.
While it’s no fun dealing with sniffles, coughs, aches, and tiredness, I still love this time of year. After all, my favorite holiday is during fall – Halloween.
Heck, even the dog gets into it…
So, for all the ups and downs that come with the changing of the seasons, I always try to remember to go with the ebb and flow that is this wonderful thing we call life.
Five months ago, I published my first book – a book of poetry titled Juxtaposition that speaks to the highs and lows of life. Just before that, I started this blog. Since that time, many distractions have arisen to knock me off my chosen path of writing.
Things have started settling back down recently and so, I have decided it’s time to start writing again. I intend to post to this blog twice aweek – on Wednesdays and Saturdays. I also intend to learn more about blogging since I’m a novice and would like to improve.
I realize this post is rather short. I will work on making them longer and more detailed in the future. But for now, I’m just happy to be able to get something down.
For all those undertaking this journey with me, welcome and thanks for keeping me company.
At some point in the not too distant future, I plan to divulge more information about my particular medical issues and what I’ve been through to get to where I am.
In the meantime, I will say that life is difficult for all of us and we should remember to have compassion for others. We can’t always see what the problem is, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not there. Invisible illness is a real thing and it’s hard to deal with sometimes, especially when the people around you are telling you “it’s all in your head” or that “you’re making stuff up just to get attention.”
Believe me, I’ve been there. I know how depressing and draining it can be. Some days all you can do is simply exist.
And that’s enough.
Because when those days have passed, you’ll still be there and I’ll still be here – rooting for all of us.
Today is L. Frank Baum’s birthday. He wrote the Wizard of Oz books that deal with a young girl going on a mad adventure and coming out a different person. But this post isn’t about Dorothy, it’s about another girl who went on a wild ride and came out changed. I’m talking about Alice.
You see, my youngest sister and her friend have always loved Alice and Dorothy, respectively. And, they have both been through experiences that were crazy and that changed who they were on a soul level. In my eyes, my sister, Mary, is the epitome of Alice – she went through terrible ordeals and emerged stronger and more resilient on the other side. In fact, she so embodies the Alice spirit, that when she gets married, it will be on May 4th, the real Alice’s birthday.
So, to all the Dorothy’s and Alice’s of the world, I raise my glass in your honor – you are stronger than you will ever know. Not in spite of what you have been through, but because of it.
I love you Mary and hope you know just how very proud of you I am.
Today is always difficult for me. You see, I’ve been trying to have children for almost 16 years. Watching all my friends and family members celebrate being mothers is incredibly painful. I’m happy for them, but I’m sad for me. It’s confusing and makes me want to hide. So, that’s what I’m doing.
I’m hiding with my fur-babies
They are my children and I love them dearly.
Sixteen years ago today, I met my husband. We were two weeks into Basic Training, it was Mother’s Day, my sister’s birthday (Happy Birthday, Nin!), and the first time I cried since joining the military. I felt a warm hand on my back and heard, “Are you ok?” It was the start of something truly magnificent.
In the time since then, we have struggled, prospered, laughed, cried, and loved a whole lot. I can’t imagine my life without him. He is my rock. He drives me insane and calms my craziness. It’s a beautiful contradiction, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Why am I telling you all this? Because he is the reason I was brave enough to start a blog. And he is the reason that I have realized I shouldn’t wait to post a new blog until it is perfect. It doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be done. I don’t have to have everything precisely right in order to proceed. I just need to keep moving forward (as the Robinson’s would say.)
So, that’s exactly what I’m doing.
I have wanted to be a writer most of my life. The evidence is in the many journals I have tried (and failed) to keep, the various stories I have begun (but never finished), and the fact that I went to college specifically for writing. I actually completed my college education and will be walking this May.
In order to finally pursue my dream, I am taking the leap into blogging at the same time as getting my first book of poetry published. It’s all very exciting. And nerve-wracking. And exhilarating. And terrifying. Right now I’m feeling all the emotions.
I don’t know exactly where this journey will take me, but I’m looking forward to finding out. This blog will focus on my interests: poetry and digital photos, as well as my trials and tribulations, including my health and fertility struggles. I hope you all enjoy taking this journey with me.
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